I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
