It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
