He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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