There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
