So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
