its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
