she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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