i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
