I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
