Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If I die, sorry about rent.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
