oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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