just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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