ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
