he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
