dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
