ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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