ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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