Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have aggressive nipples.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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