I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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