Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
