based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
