if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
