That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
