mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
