he told me I talked like a deaf person
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
