Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
