I heard we made out
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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