chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
