It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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