there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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