I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
