Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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