shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
