It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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