Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
