Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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