the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
