You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
