Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
