Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Alive.
So much puke
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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