Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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