alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
