It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
