I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
