Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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