Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
