also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The Olympian is in my bed
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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