70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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