hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
