I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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