I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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