Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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