i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I believe in your delicious
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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