Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
