Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Porn is love you can see.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
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